Loneliness (What is loneliness really if not just a state of mind?)
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, aka Mark Twain, once said that “the worst loneliness is not being comfortable with yourself,” and yet he himself suffered from the immense insecurity of loneliness. Born prematurely, he spent the first seven years of his life as a “sick and insecure child who lived mainly on allopathic medicines”. Always trying to seek the love of his parents, he was never able to find within himself the love he so desperately sought.
“Self-love is the beginning of a lifelong romance,” said Oscar Wilde, and ironically, he also tried to find love in the arms of young boys!
Both…masters of prose and poetry offered the world a cure for loneliness and yet sought fulfillment in their own lives.
What is loneliness really if not just a state of mind?
A person can be extremely lonely in a crowd or be completely surrounded by peaceful thoughts while in complete solitude. To varying degrees, we have all experienced both. Who is better? To be a line seeking an end, or to become a circle and find the end?
As I sat down to write about loneliness at my friend’s behest, I wondered what view I was holding. The sadistic, masochistic view that delves into the pain caused by loneliness, or the optimistic view that allows one to see loneliness as an opportunity to discover one’s inner self?
As a firm believer in positivity and happiness, the answer was easy.
Our life is a matrix created by us. The only question is which pill we prefer to swallow. The blue pill or the red pill? Is ignorance bliss or is the truth worth knowing…..no matter what! “The truth shall set you free,” says the Bible. So we will seek the truth.
Philosophical; The existentialist school of thought sees loneliness as the essence of being human. Every human being comes into this world alone, travels through life as an isolated being and eventually leaves this planet alone.
Other existentialists, however, argue the exact opposite. Human beings are designed to actively “engage” with each other or otherwise feel the futility of existence, especially if they are unable to communicate, love, or procreate.
The debate continues!
So do we seek fulfillment outside of ourselves or within ourselves? Both are acceptable, but I think the second is not only easier to follow, but also more thorough and lasting. For the first, we need another person or people who are ready to accept us completely at any given moment. We can all agree that this is a bit difficult. Acceptance and agreement go hand in hand with debate and disagreement, which can ultimately lead to loneliness.
The more individualistic we are, the more likely we are to be lonely. However, this may or may not be a bad thing. After all, God has gifted us with a unique mindset that is far from collective. Why then are we constantly seeking acceptance and approval? Does it all stem from an innate insecurity we harbor within ourselves?
The first step to overcoming loneliness is to accept it as something natural and yet ephemeral. Our state of mind is our own choice and the only thing we have control over. There is nothing worse than being a prisoner of your own mind and not realizing it, thus having no desire to escape.
The first step will surely be to recognize and accept that loneliness is nothing but a state of mind. Instead of calling it loneliness, we can choose to call it loneliness. Loneliness is a choice while loneliness is a circumstance. Just one turn of words and we have already started to change our thinking.
Think of it as a line or a line ending in a circle!
Perhaps a positive self-image is the key to overcoming loneliness. Instead of running out and looking for company, it might be a better idea to reprogram our mental selves through positive self-talk and affirmations. As I like to say “Be the person who walks into the room and the room lights up, not the person who walks out of the room and the room lights up”.
Once we get comfortable in our own company, we will automatically become the life of the party and loneliness will be reduced to a term that we will have to look up in the dictionary.
Love, luck, happiness
#Loneliness #loneliness #state #mind