My husband is always unhappy no matter what I do. I’m getting tired of this

My husband is always unhappy no matter what I do. I’m getting tired of this

It can be very hurtful and frustrating when your spouse constantly complains about a certain level of unhappiness, despite the improvements you’ve tried to make. You may think you’ve addressed his concerns, only to turn around and find him gloomy and unhappy again. It can start to feel like there really isn’t much you can do to lighten things up. When you start to wonder if it’s not you or your marriage that’s the problem – it’s him.

A wife might say, “It’s probably been about eighteen months since my husband kept telling me how unhappy he was. At first I thought maybe he was just going through a rough patch and venting, but he never stopped complaining. So I really tried to make our home life less stressful. I tried to be cheerful and upbeat. But it doesn’t seem to matter what I do. It’s like he’s a broken record with his unhappiness. And recently, I noticed that it’s not just me or our marriage – it’s everything. If we go to a restaurant, he finds fault with the food. He talks behind his colleagues’ backs, which he has never done before. as if his favorite sports team is losing on purpose just to piss him off. It’s like he’s sour about everything. I’m starting to think he’s just an unhappy person and I don’t know how to deal with him anymore.”

I understand your frustration. When my husband and I were separated, he went through something similar. It was as if he found fault with every aspect of his life. We spent a short time in counseling and the counselor told him that he needed to find a source of happiness within himself instead of expecting it to come from other people, external sources, or his marriage. She told him that marriage can’t “make” you happy. But it can add or improve happiness. He didn’t want to hear it then. But now that time has passed and he has some additional perspective, he sees that she was right. At the same time, I’m not sure what I could say or do to shake him out of it. It was something he had to realize, deal with and navigate on his own. I could only provide support, which I tried very hard to do.

I tell you this to confirm your suspicions. When someone finds fault with literally everything, then they are struggling with more things than your marriage. Sometimes there are very valid and unavoidable reasons for this. For example, my mother recently went through a health crisis and her personality completely changed. She went from patient and relatively content to constantly angry, bitter and critical. I now realize that most of her behavior was due to the fact that she was in physical pain (from which she received no relief.) But many people can have the same reaction when they are in emotional pain.

So how can you help him if he’s in emotional pain? I’m not sure if he’ll go to counseling, but that’s usually the most effective option. If he resists, you can tell him that you are getting married and then you can mention the problem to the counselor who will hopefully help you resolve it effectively. It can also help both of you get to the real source of the unhappiness. I’m not a mental health professional, so all I could really offer my husband was to listen and be supportive. And I’ve learned that it’s no use arguing with him. It always backfired when I tried to point out that his perceptions were harsh or negative. This only made things worse because he was getting defensive. I’ve learned not to judge and tell myself that he’s just looking for someone to listen and validate him.

However, if he is truly cruel and disrespectful, then you can certainly say something about it. You don’t have to constantly be the source of his criticism. Sometimes, if you try really hard to have an empathetic conversation, you’ll get more important information. You might try, “Honey, I hear you. I’ve been hearing this for a while too, which is why I feel like I’m not dealing with the problem effectively. Can you share with me the biggest source of your unhappiness? What can I do to make things better? What specific actions can I take to increase your happiness levels? If I understand the problems better, then I can better deal with them.”

By asking for very specific details, you are trying to limit his ability to complain only vaguely. Because it leads nowhere and disappoints everyone. At least if you can get him to be very, very specific about his complaints and his unhappiness, you can try to deal with it effectively. But at the end of the day, it’s his misfortune. And sometimes the real changes have to come from the person who is unhappy. Unfortunately, it can sometimes take them a while to see this clearly. Until then, your best bet is to try to find professionals or self-help and be their unconditional support system. Because usually, if they become happier in themselves, they magically become happier in marriage.

#husband #unhappy #matter #tired

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *