My husband is in love with another woman but wants to stay with me
The other day I got an email from a wife who said, “my husband is in love with someone else. He is very honest about the fact that he loves her but says his commitment is to me and our family. He’s going to stay with me, but I feel like he’s only with me because he has to. I suspect that if he could have wanted, he would have been with her. How can I have a marriage knowing that I am the second prize? ” I will tell you what I told her in the next article.
If your husband is in love with someone else, he should not have contact with her if you want to save your marriage: This seems like common sense, but I can’t tell you how many women write to me and explain a situation where the husband is dealing with both the wife and the mistress. This scenario cannot end well. If your husband has the ability to compare you to the woman who doesn’t do his laundry, pick up after him, or carry the baggage of history between you, then you might lose.
If he is truly committed to you, then his loyalty and attention should be at home. To restore trust and intimacy, you can’t and shouldn’t worry about whether he was with her. He must cut all ties. There are no exceptions to this. I realize he can work with her, but if that’s the case, then very firm boundaries need to be set (and I’d actually rather he transfer or find another job.) It’s a huge disservice to you to ask to even remotely allow her into your life. You deserve better than this and you should demand it.
If he wants to stay with you, make him earn that right. He doesn’t have to see her, talk to her, or communicate with her, and he has to provide you with everything he needs to prove to you that you can trust that this is the reality of the situation.
Focusing on just the two of you: Once you banish this woman from your life (and your husband’s), your focus should shift to the two of you. Don’t give her more power than she deserves and don’t go back to her or the relationship. For this to work, you both need to be committed to restoring your marriage. Continuing to deal with her contradicts that. And frankly, continuing to raise her only makes your husband think about her. You obviously don’t want that. Keep his attention where it belongs – on you and your family.
Now, of course, you’ll need to look into why the affair happened, but instead focus on what went wrong in YOUR relationship and how to fix it, not what’s so special about THEIR relationship. Their relationship must end, end, and ultimately be forgotten. You can speed this up by focusing on the things that will help you reconnect.
I find that many people make the mistake of putting too much pressure on the situation. This makes both of them feel uncomfortable and awkward. These negative feelings can make you feel like it’s just a lost cause. It is important that both of you are aware of the fact that the commitment is there, so it will be okay to mess around or struggle for a while. You need to know that he’s absolutely committed to you and vice versa, so if times get tough, you’ll both hang in there, knowing that if you can make it through the next few weeks, things will get a lot easier.
Creating a Newer and Better Marriage: Yes, working on this is hard. But it’s important not to make it heavy. Just focus on having fun together day after day when you’re ready. You have to create what is the “new normal”. However, this new state of existence must ultimately be better than what came before it. Visit new places. Have new experiences. Shop, travel and eat in new places that will create new memories. Step outside of your comfort zone to create a sense of excitement, exploration and anticipation.
I know part of this article focuses on her and her negative aspects. But I want you to focus on what the good news is. He has made it clear that he is committed to you. Many wives do not have this luxury. I have so many women writing to me and telling me that not only is he in love with someone else, but he’s leaving and going to be with her. This is not your situation, so take advantage of what you have right now – his commitment (and hopefully yours.)
#husband #love #woman #stay