My Husband Loves Me But Doesn’t Want To Be With Me Anymore – Hints and Tips That Can Help
I’m hearing about scenarios that pretty much describe this situation. I often hear things like, “my husband insists he still loves me, but he doesn’t feel like he can be with me right now. He says he needs space and some time to decide where he wants to go with this. he feels he needs to be alone for a while. I just can’t figure this out. How can you love someone, but then doubt that you want to marry them?”
This can be a very difficult question for a wife to think about. Usually in our minds, if we love someone and things aren’t falling apart around us, nothing needs to change. For us, it’s just an equation. We love each other. We made a commitment. End of story. And we don’t understand why our husbands don’t see it the same way.
The truth is, it’s impossible to 100% understand or even embrace someone else’s thought process – especially when you don’t share it. There is very little you can do to control or change this. However, there are many things you can do about the current situation. And the things you can do may not be what you are inclined or tempted to do. I will discuss how to understand and deal with this situation in the next article.
Take what he says at face value and focus on changing his perceptions rather than changing his words: The biggest initial mistake I see people make is focusing on semantics. I often hear wives dealing with things like “how can he love me but not be in love with me?” or “how can he not want to marry me when he swears he still feels the same way?”
The truth is, you may never get a satisfactory answer to these questions. In fact, his attempt to answer may confuse you, or anger you, or hurt you even more. The best thing to do, I think, is to accept what he says as fact. He may be confused, projecting his own problems onto you and the marriage, or just plain confused. But he probably won’t change his mind just because you argue with him or point out the flaws in his thinking.
Many wives will start a campaign to convince (or blame) him to stay. What they often don’t realize is that they are actually weakening their position. Because think about it for a minute. What do you really want if your husband decides two things. You want him to continue to think he loves you, but you want him to take it even further and decide he wants to be with you and give you 100%.
How likely is that if he stays dragging his feet, sulking and staring out the window with longing eyes? If you get it all wrong but manage to keep it with you under duress, then really all you’ve done is buy yourself some poor quality time. Because eventually he will want to break away again. And when it does, it will be much more difficult, if not impossible, for you to manage it all back.
What you want to do instead is change his perceptions. Because right now he’s probably thinking that yes, he does love you, but that he doesn’t like being married to you. He probably suspects that his life will be better, for whatever reason, if he is alone. That’s why he wants to test his theory. No, I’m not a man, but I hear enough of them so I pretty much know how many of them are thinking in this situation.
What stands between him leaving and staying are his perceptions, not his feelings. That’s why you have to take feelings at face value and put your efforts on perceptions.
Changing what your husband thinks in a real way so he wants to stay in the marriage: Once this whole concept is explained, many wives intuitively understand this. However, it can be difficult for them to embrace it or try it because it feels very risky. If you don’t fight his desire to try to be alone or have some space, what if it becomes a permanent thing? What if he actually finds that he likes being without you?
Well, I guess that’s possible. But you’re going to deal with these perceptions that we talked about. And in my opinion, this is the only option that allows you to understand that he himself made this decision and is really completely sure of it. You want him present, enthusiastic and without doubt. This is the way to do it.
Once many women realize this, they will be tempted to shower their husbands with love, attention, and happy talk. Unfortunately, this often turns out to be both false and too little too late. You want to act in a way that will be believable. And you want to focus on things that are sustainable. You really want to resist baiting him with something you can’t keep, because down the road he’ll potentially feel like he’s been given false promises, and it’ll be harder to manage it all back again when he’s tempted again. deviate alone.
Here’s what wives often don’t realize. They already hold the secrets and the key to this man’s interest and happiness. You’ve already been down this road. You’ve already intrigued him and made him smile with your laugh and perspective. But so often we stop laughing, stop being happy, stop being lucky and let the daily stressors wipe the joy out of our lives. As a result, life becomes monotonous, boring and heavy.
As a result, men begin to perceive that the grass is greener somewhere else. It’s your job to change that perception. And you are more capable of it than you probably believe.
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