My husband won’t tell me the name of the woman he cheated on – how do I get him to tell me?

My husband won’t tell me the name of the woman he cheated on – how do I get him to tell me?

I often hear from wives who are trying to deal with two disappointments at once. First, they are devastated that their husband has admitted to cheating. And two, they’re beside themselves because he doesn’t want to reveal who he’s been cheating with.

I heard from a woman who said, “my husband finally admitted to cheating. I highly suspected it all along. He didn’t come home on time. He took many personal phone calls and messages. He has been distant and cold towards me. He has not shown any sexual interest in me for a while. I have accused him of cheating many times and he has always denied it. However, last night he finally broke down and admitted that he had been cheating but recently stopped. If that’s not devastating enough, he won’t reveal who he’s been cheating with. He says it doesn’t matter who she was because she’s out of his life now. He says he wants to move on with our marriage and put this behind us. How can I even begin to when he won’t even tell me who she is? Why would she hide this from me?” I will discuss these questions (and try to answer her questions) in the next article.

Potential reasons why your husband won’t tell you who he cheated with: There are various reasons why a husband will want to keep the other woman’s identity a secret. Sometimes the husband knows that learning her identity will tempt you to obsess or obsess over her and therefore make it difficult for you to move on. Many men worry that the second he tells you her name, you’ll immediately Google her or find her on Facebook and then contact her to get her side of the story or stand up In front of her. Many husbands want to avoid this at all costs.

Another possibility is that her identity is particularly upsetting to you. It is common for her to be a friend, colleague, neighbor, colleague, acquaintance or even a family member. If she is someone you know, then you can feel doubly betrayed. I’m not saying any of these examples are a good reason to keep her identity from you. I’m just trying to share what might be behind his thought process to help you come up with a plan or strategy.

How to deal when your husband won’t tell you the other woman’s name: I believe you are entitled to this information. If you’re going to try to save your marriage, then you need to be fully aware of what (and who) you’re dealing with. You can’t do this if he leaves some pieces of the puzzle. He may be reluctant to reveal her identity to you out of fear. But there are going to be a lot of tough conversations in the coming days, and you have to move on anyway. He needs to understand that if he is serious and sincere about moving forward with you, he needs to be forthcoming without exception.

To communicate this, the suggested conversation should be something like, “I understand that you may be reluctant about my reaction to her identity, but it’s a risk you’ll have to take because I can’t assess our situation without having the whole information. I need to know everything, including details about who she was, where you met her, the nature of the relationship and how long it lasted. And that’s just for starters. In order for us to even begin to heal, you’re going to have to show me that you’re willing to be honest and upfront about everything. I’ll do my best to work with you, but you’re going to have to do a lot better than that. I can’t even begin to think about our healing or what I want to do going forward until I have all the information. When you are ready to provide this to me, let me know. Until then, we really have nothing to talk about. You say you’re done with her and you want to move on. I can’t begin to do that until you’re completely honest with me.”

I can’t promise you that these words will suddenly make him talk, but they will certainly give him food for thought. Some husbands will try to wait for their wives. They will just sit back and see if the wife ends up giving up on the other woman issue. They hope they can gain her favor in some other way. Whether you allow this or not is up to you. But I believe her identity is information you should know. Of course, there are different ways you can discover this information for yourself, but it is much better if he tells you himself.

That doesn’t mean her identity is vital to your recovery. Cheating is devastating, no matter who the other person is. But many women find it especially difficult if they personally know or care about the other woman. Still others want to know if she is younger, prettier, or what it is about her that made the husband risk his marriage.

And here you can hit a slippery slope. While I agree that you deserve to know who she is, I would caution you against obsessing over her once you get that information. It’s understandable to want to know as much as possible about the infidelity (and that includes information about it.) But some wives get the basic information they asked for and find that it’s not enough. Then they will take it further and explore it, face it, and then continue to think about it or dwell on it.

This is often not in your best interest. Whether you want to save your marriage or not, the focus should be on your healing and your ability to move forward. If you deal with it too much, you thwart your ability to do this. However, that’s not even possible if you don’t know who she is.

#husband #wont #woman #cheated

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