My wife is taking it all out on me! The right way to handle it
When things aren’t working out in your wife’s life, you’re the one she turns to. She does not seek comfort or words of encouragement. She’s much more interested in taking out her frustrations by nagging you, yelling at you, or starting an argument. If you’re sick of being used this way, no one can blame you. You didn’t sign up for that when you agreed to marry her. You’ve probably tried to talk to her about it in a rational way, but that hasn’t worked. You may have even threatened her with the idea of separation or more seriously divorce. If you feel like your options are running out and your wife is still continuing this destructive behavior, you need to change the course your marriage is headed down.
You’ve probably heard the old saying about how people take things out on those closest to them. We often use this as an excuse when we take our partner’s feelings for granted. That’s exactly what your wife is doing now. If she’s frustrated or discouraged about something going on in her life, she turns to you to vent her feelings. Unfortunately, in most cases you are not the cause of her negativity, but you are forced to bear the brunt of it. To stop her from doing this, you need to guide her to deal with these issues in a more productive and less harmful way.
It’s important to pay attention to this at a time when she feels calm and centered. If you try to bring it up while she’s in the middle of a rant about something that’s gone wrong in her life, it will only add fuel to her emotional fire. She will feel even more justified in yelling at you and a full blown argument will ensue.
Suggest to your wife that you want to talk about something that you feel is affecting your marriage. If you do this while she feels satisfied, she will be more open to working with you to find a solution. You should start the conversation on a very positive note. Many men don’t realize that if they approach their wife with a sincere compliment, she will be much more receptive to hearing what comes next. You could say something about how much you adore her or how proud you are of her for something she did recently. This will set the tone for the conversation. She will instinctively know that you want to help her, not attack her.
Explain that you’ve noticed he’s been stressed lately. If you know the source of the stress, mention it. This helps show your wife that you are engaged in what is going on in her life and that you are genuinely concerned. Then tell her you’re worried about how this is affecting her. Point out if she has seemed sadder than normal lately, or if her temper has a hairline. Be compassionate as you talk about it and don’t let your tone become accusatory at all.
It is vital to let her know that you realize that life can get overwhelming at times, but you are there to help her in any way you can. If she’s struggling with all the work she has at the office, suggest the idea of her going on a Saturday to catch up while you take care of the kids. If she’s a full-time stay-at-home mom, she might need a little vacation to recharge her emotional batteries, so arrange a spa day for her and a friend.
If you take an interest in helping your wife better balance the things that are causing her stress outbursts, you will be doing your marriage a huge favor. You will also demonstrate to your wife that she can always count on you. You want to be her hero, so show her that you can look past the pettiness of her frustrated moods by helping her find her inner emotional balance again.