Same-sex relationships and the teenage years
Adolescence is a period of developmental change. The most noticeable changes are physical. Girls’ breasts begin to grow and they have regular menstrual cycles. Boys begin to develop facial hair, have a deep voice, and begin to produce sperm. Thus, for the first time in his life, the teenager begins to wonder what is happening to him or her. I encourage parents to be closer to their children at this time to answer their questions, support them and allay their fears and anxieties. One of the most important concerns is their sexuality. Most teens would only fantasize about the opposite sex, while some teens may consider same-sex relationships as an option. For those who are considering same-sex relationships as an option, I encourage you to take some time and seek professional help before making a decision. The truth is that you are not developed enough to make a decision about your sexuality. Meanwhile, you may have friends of the opposite sex, not “boyfriend” or “boyfriend” for the reason that you are not yet an adult and do not want to complicate your life at this point.
The way to manage your sexual fantasies is to concentrate on what interests you like music, painting, computers, entrepreneurship, public speaking, science, leadership or writing. These creative and investigative outlets are more stimulating than sex, if you can give them a chance to manifest in your life. At the right age, get married and raise your family in love, care and happiness. I’m not a professional, but I don’t think I should be in one to guide a teenager struggling with his sexuality because I’m a parent. A family member about 19 years old once posted on Facebook that he was gay. After consulting with my wife, we advised him to remove the post and he did. Our reasoning was that he was not old enough to define his sexuality. We later found out that this was his way of dealing with his recent breakup with his girlfriend. Today he is a father.
Your sexuality is very important. It is not something to be taken lightly. You could bring children into the world and that requires responsibility, compassion, love and the right values to raise the child. I know society has made sexuality seem normal, but for you it is still a sacred event and I encourage you to plan and prepare with your eyes open and your mind intact. If you take it lightly with closed eyes, it can destroy your life. But if you understand it, prepare for it, plan for it, fall in love and get married, you can have a fulfilling life. These are the same thoughts I share with our children and I encourage you to take them seriously. Our world needs moral leaders and I am counting on you to be one of them!
If you have sexual problems and think you might be gay or think about sex all the time, please don’t keep it to yourself under any circumstances. Trust your parents to give you the appropriate help you need. However, if you are constantly thinking about sexual pleasures at a young age, I recommend that you think more about your interests. There is a time for everything and your time for family bliss will come. For now, it is better to build your future by developing your talents and gifts than to waste it on sensual fantasies. But whatever you feel, it must be part of your body. If it’s part of your body, others have felt it and dealt with it too, so it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but the sooner you get professional help, the better you’ll feel about your body and your life .
I first met a gay person in my sociology class in Indiana, Pennsylvania in the eighties. I didn’t know what to do with it then. I couldn’t believe that someone would prefer the same gender as a life partner and coming from Nigeria did not prepare me for the experience. It was natural for me to be attracted to the opposite sex and that any other tendency was abnormal. But after reading more and more of these stories, I came to accept that we may be connected on a spiritual level, but our tendencies may be completely different. However, my caution is centered on respect and human dignity. Let your relationship be based only on love and if you are bisexual, decide and define where you belong.
For those who oppose homosexuality because it is a sin against their gods as written in their holy texts, I encourage you to do more research on the subject, put your heart into it and make an effort to understand the subject. That way, you can respond with love when this happens in your family! My point about the Holy Texts is that you have to be really naive to think that your holy text is the true word of God or the only holy text. The truth is that the sacred texts are more like the words of a father who is about to die and decides to write down his thoughts and experiences on how to live a good life as a guide for his son. But my dear friend, God will not die, and God is certainly not dead! God is in your heart, and if you really want real answers, consult your heart, not books!
There are people who think homosexuality is a disease and some practitioners have healing clinics to turn homosexuals into “normal” human beings. Many of the clinics are organized by religious organizations because they believe homosexuality is an abomination to their God. In this case it all boils down to whether you believe in their God or another God. However, this is your life and your life alone. If you are using homosexuality to cover up something else, like my family member, get professional help immediately. Also, if you’re shy around girls and using homosexuality as an escape, you’re wrong. There is nothing to fear or worry about in your relationship with a girl. Just be yourself and your girl will show up at the right time or when you are ready. Finally, if you know you are indeed a gay person, so be it! Here is a quote from Sigmund Freud:
“Homosexuality is certainly not an advantage, but it is not something to be ashamed of, there is no vice, there is no degradation, it cannot be classified as a disease. Sigmund Freud (1935).
Finally, for those who want more information on the subject, I recommend you read about homosexual behavior in animals. The study was inconclusive, but that didn’t stop the American Psychiatric Association and other groups from citing it in their brief to the United States Supreme Court in Lawrence Vs. Texas, which removed sodomy laws from 14 states. In conclusion, what is at stake is not really homosexuality, but freedom, personal freedom within our laws, and if you support personal freedom, learn more from the following quote by Martin Niemöller:
They were in the first place for the communists, and I did not speak out because I was not a communist.
Then they came for the Jews and I did not say because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Catholics and I didn’t say because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak.
Thank you for your time and make every moment you experience a moment of love, peace and happiness for yourself and everyone you meet.
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