The affair was with someone younger and prettier – how do I feel wanted again?

The affair was with someone younger and prettier – how do I feel wanted again?

The affair was with someone younger and prettier – how do I feel wanted again?

Sometimes I hear from women who are struggling not only to deal with their husband’s cheating, but also trying to process the fact that he cheated with a much younger woman. This often causes even more pain and uncertainty because the wife fears she is fighting a battle that can never be won.

I heard from a woman who said, “It’s bad enough that my husband cheated on me and had an affair. But the fact that he cheated on me with a young woman almost half our age is almost more than I can bear. I feel like I will never be able to compete with her or even the memory of her. He has cut it off and says he wants us to start all over again. He says he still loves me and is still attracted to me. He says the affair has nothing to do with the other woman’s age and that it’s just him trying to feel young again. I want to believe him because we have children and I want to save my family. But I wonder how he can even be attracted to me since he knows he can attract and be with a younger woman. The other woman is by no means a beauty queen, but she is much younger than me. And I just don’t think any man would choose an older woman over a younger one. I’m not ugly by any means. People tell me all the time that I’m very beautiful, but I still don’t think I have a chance.” I’ll tell you my opinion on this in the next article.

I understood why this wife felt the way she did. I’ve been in this situation and I know the uncertainty of it can make you feel old, tired and worthless. But what I didn’t understand then (and what this wife probably didn’t understand right now) was that the husband had already given up on the younger woman. There was no competition.

What you’re really dealing with is an understandable insecurity that you don’t deserve to live with for the rest of your life. So in the next article, I’ll outline some ways to overcome insecurities so you can regain the confidence you deserve.

Understand that attraction is not just based on looks and age: While it may be true that looks provide the initial spark of attraction, it’s not someone’s looks (or even age) that contribute to the long-term success of any relationship. What really matters is compatibility, shared experience, deep understanding and commitment. It’s something you have that the other woman can’t touch.

I totally understand feeling insecure right now. I felt the same way. But please understand that who you are and the qualities you possess have not changed in the slightest. You are the exact same person today as you were before the affair. Understandably, your perceptions of yourself are shaken. So now we need to focus on changing your perceptions to rebuild your confidence.

When you know you’re worth it and you’re wanted, then you don’t care what anyone else thinks: If you remember anything from this article, I want you to remember this. You are the same worthy and valuable person you were twenty years ago. This wife knew she was attractive. She knew it in her heart, and it was confirmed by several others who didn’t care about her marriage or her life. So now she just had to embrace it, ask for it, and swear she wouldn’t allow anyone else’s actions to shake her faith in herself. She had earned the right to self-confidence through persistence and experience. She didn’t need to let anyone else take that from her.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to claim and embrace your own beauty. You are not competing against anyone else. Your only responsibility is to yourself. If there is something about your appearance that you do not like, then by all means change it. But if you know in your heart that you are perfectly fine, then don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.

Because here is the truth. Your husband won’t be as attracted to you if you don’t own your self-worth. If you walk around like you have something to apologize for, then you will continue to struggle with insecurity. But if you love yourself and decide that he can either go along with the program or not, you’ll often find that he finds that kind of confidence very attractive.

There is nothing to overcompensate for. Both you and your husband have life experiences that mean you are a bit older. This is hard fought and you don’t have to compete with anyone. I suspect you’ll find that if you embrace what’s special about you and don’t apologize for it, you’ll find that your husband is still attracted to you. But the interesting thing is that once you embrace and love yourself, you’ll often find that you no longer hold your breath about what he thinks.

#affair #younger #prettier #feel #wanted

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