We must transcend the things that hold us back
These words of Rubin “The Hurricane” Carter in the true story movie The Hurricane (1999) are etched as golden truth for anyone who has had a real battle of the titans and won. It’s like summing up the movie in one short statement; how a fighter who faced massive injustice throughout his life had to deal with it seriously to break a torturous 20-year imprisonment – fighting for his freedom against a system of inherent and rampant corruption.
The part in “The Hurricane” when Carter (played brilliantly by Denzel Washington) says “We must rise above the things that hold us down” is particularly poignant. Faced with incredible odds to fight the system while keeping his sanity, Carter was faced with making such a determination—it was critical to his survival. This required a commitment to myself; a commitment to turning his world upside down to stay in the game. He started working and studying at night and sleeping during the day – really anything to stay healthy and strong. There is a key lesson here. This is one of the Protection. It is about protecting the relatively pure spirit that exists within each of us by keeping it from corruption. Carter identified him. He identified it and then created a plan and executed it. It requires courage and discipline, or taken together, faith and diligence.
So what keeps people going? And how do people get over these things? The key learning and inspiration here is this: there are many things, people and situations (things + people) that will do their most fervent attempt to “hold” us in this life. It’s a hard fact of life. This is because many people and things want control over us. This is not based on love.
To make this clear, a “retention” is anything or any relation that does not answer or cannot stand the truth; and anything that corrupts or potentially corrupts. This includes anything that is downright sinful, relationships that will never be a blessing, or anything that has a negative impact and there is no good reason for a person to continue in it – considering the many things that can appear to “hold” us, but are actually useful to us – they are not the subject of this discussion. For example, the job we have to take, or the critical mentoring relationship that is “difficult” but rewarding. We have to fight these things and endure them until it happens the exact time to leave and “move on”.
Anything you implicitly know to be true will not seek to hold you back. Eugene Peterson writes on 1 Corinthians 13 c The message paraphrase, Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. The only exception to this is when the “hold” gives you life, such as when someone is trying to escape the hold, perhaps an addiction. In these moments, in these situations, it is extremely important to hold on to it, because holding on really is because from love; often known as “tough love”. At these times and places in life, people need to be humble and accept what is good for them and their future. So, this wisdom is not about “healthy grips”, which might better be referred to as “bonds”.
This wisdom is a call to address interdependent stylistic relationships[1] whether personal (in the form of habits, addictions, etc.), with another person (classic codependency), or organizational (for example, within a workplace, club or religious environment, including sects, church fellowship, mosque, etc.). n.).
Retention is like a top coat. One of our challenges is not only seeing through the grip, but being able to break through that veneer, because grips really are just that, a veneer. The truth stands, but the lie crumbles once the veneer is pierced. One of the most important roles in life is to be able to recognize a fake and bravely deal with it by breaking through its veneer. The veneer is a facade, an appearance, just the surface of matter. Truth is a foil to all lies in life; we must see through and beyond the veneer to gain “life.” It’s about learning to dig deeper into such a matter to uncover the truth. Truth endures challenges and trials.
Again, these matters (the things that hold us) are of things or people or situations (things + people). Once it is recognized that the thing/people/situation has a negative power over us, there must be a release plan. Getting this right sometimes requires guidance from those who truly love us and can truly trust.
We need to break the cycle of dependency and this can be likened to an insect breaking the surface tension of water; a mosquito lands on it – it does not have the weight or ability to break the surface of the water; weight is needed to get through it. It takes strength and power to break through the veneer of a codependent relationship; not physical strength and power, but mental, emotional and spiritual strength and power. It takes persistence to break the grip of unhealthy relationships.
This can take months, and in some cases years, and requires eternal vigilance.
© Steve J. Wickham, 2008. All rights reserved worldwide.
[1] A “codependent” can be loosely defined as someone who shows too much and often inappropriate concern for people who depend on him or her. “Codependency” is one side of a relationship between mutually needy people. The dependent or apparently needy party(ies) may have emotional, physical, financial difficulties or addictions that they cannot seem to overcome. The “codependent” party exhibits behaviors that control, make excuses, regret, and take other actions to perpetuate the state of the apparently needy party because of their desire to be needed and fear of doing anything that would change the relationship. source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency
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