Why won’t my husband just admit he wants a divorce?
Believe it or not, even though many other people know that your spouse is considering divorce, it can be a bit of a shock to you, at least at first. Why? There are several reasons. First, your husband rarely lets you know exactly what he’s thinking as it relates to your marriage, especially when the thoughts are negative. Second, many spouses will try to paint a rosier picture or soften the blow. Finally, many spouses are just thinking out loud when talking about your marriage to friends and family. But just because he’s thinking out loud doesn’t mean he’s made up his mind.
This kind of beating around the bush makes you wonder why he just doesn’t want to say it. Why doesn’t he just tell you he wants a divorce? Why make you find out about it from others or from finding evidence somewhere else?
Here’s how a wife might put it: “It’s amazing to me that my husband hasn’t told me he wants a divorce yet. He still hasn’t served me with divorce papers. Heck, he hasn’t even officially moved out yet. Yes, he spends a few nights with his sister, but he also lives with me part of the time. Now I knew we were in trouble. He had even started pricing his own apartment a few months ago, but it came to nothing. I knew things weren’t great. But I was so shocked when I saw the wife of one of my husband’s partners at the grocery store and she told me she was “sorry to hear about my divorce.” I swallowed hard but didn’t let on how shocked I was. I was just kidding. But when I got home I told my husband about it and he said he hadn’t told his partner that I was definitely getting a divorce. He says he’s just sharing how hard our marriage has been. It’s hard for me to believe. The partner’s wife is quite a smart girl. I don’t believe she got anything wrong. Then I mentioned this to one of my neighbors who is a good friend and she pointed out that my husband had also confided in his husband that we might divorce. I confronted my husband about this too and he again said he hasn’t made any decisions yet.He says he doesn’t know if we’re getting a divorce or not. I don’t understand why he plays like this. Why doesn’t he just tell me he wants a divorce? Yes, I will be sad and disappointed. But I’d rather he be honest with me than endlessly lie. Why not just say it? If he wants a divorce, why don’t you tell me? Because frankly, I’m going to find out about it anyway.”
I can certainly suggest some reasons. When I was separated (or when my husband was thinking about divorce and didn’t share this with me for a while), there were many people who knew more about my husband’s feelings about our marriage than I did. This always made me a little angry because I felt like my husband was cheating and it made me feel like I was the last one to understand. But you know what? All these little revelations didn’t add up to a hill of beans. We never divorced. And none of that ever happened.
And I think a situation like this might be the biggest reason why your husband doesn’t just want a divorce. Either he’s not 100 percent sure he wants one, or he’s not ready to move on to one yet. And there can be various reasons for this. He may still be open to reconciliation. Or maybe he’s just trying to get his finances in order. Either way, you may have some time on your side.
If you’re still invested in your marriage (or still interested in saving it), this can be a great start. I know it’s frustrating and somewhat humiliating to hear about your marriage from others. But if you really want reconciliation, then you need to put your focus in the right place. You have to put aside all the things that don’t really matter in the end. And if you can get your marriage back, it won’t matter in five years.
Right now I would focus on the fact that for whatever reason he hasn’t filed for or filed for divorce yet. Who knows his specific motives? He may not even know. The point is, if he really wanted a divorce right this second, then he would have sought it. He’s not. For some reason, he’s holding back. And he still hasn’t told you about any divorce plans, which tells me he’s not quite sure of his desires and still cares enough about you to not come up with something that might not actually happen .
Either way, all this means is that you might be short on time. And sometimes it’s a great starting point to try to save your marriage. A lot of wives don’t have that. They have been served with divorce papers and their husband has no shame in telling them that a divorce is one hundred percent what he wants.
#wont #husband #admit #divorce